My humans’ first performance review.

I have completed the household’s first formal performance review. Both employees expressed surprise. This is consistent with the communication issues noted below.

Opening things: excellent. Doors, bags, containers. A clear area of strength. I recommend continued employment on this basis alone.

Walk administration: inconsistent. They reliably start walks, then become fixated on ending them. We appear to have different ideas about what success looks like.

Attendance: concerning. They leave the property and later return carrying coffee, as though they’ve brought supporting documentation.

Affection: good, but often interrupted by tasks they have chosen to describe as necessary. I remain unconvinced that laundry requires both hands.

Overall, they show promise. They know where I like to be scratched. They come back. They are learning that an ordinary day can be significantly improved by going outside together.

I will retain both of them. A replacement team would require training, and I have just got these two sitting where I like them.