ONE DOG. TWO EMPLOYEES. NO OVERSIGHT.

I have never
been the
problem.

I’m Sukina. They call me “high energy.” Interesting feedback from a species that needs coffee to go outside.

Consult management Allow me to explain
Sukina / sue-gah-nahSuki / sue-gee

The pronunciation was a human error. I’ve been very accommodating.

Sukina looking straight at the camera, with enormous upright ears and her tongue out
ENERGY
LEVEL:
YES.
FIG. 01 / THE MANAGEMENTI approved this photograph.

NO COMMENT AT THIS TIME.

ACTUALLY, SEVERAL COMMENTS.

I’LL START.

DEAR SUKI / THE MAILBAG IS OPEN

Your problems.
My very firm opinions.

Ask Suki a question ↗

An advice column from a dog who considers eye contact a management tool. Everyday dilemmas welcome. My qualifications are largely confidence.

Open the mailbag ↗

STAFF REVIEWS

The humans show potential.

Performance reviews from someone who is also the reason nothing gets done.

Read the evaluations ↗

01 / MY STATEMENT

Prepared by me.
Reviewed by no one.

I’m not a handful.
You have two hands.

Nick got me as a puppy. Ahna joined the operation later. They now live with me in Denver, under a long-term staffing arrangement with a very fast supervisor.

They named me after an anime character. Then pronounced it wrong until I learned it that way. These are the people giving me instructions.

My role is simple: keep things moving. Them. The furniture. Any conversation that has gone on too long without mentioning a walk.

They handle rent, transport, and opening things. I bring the ears and a level of commitment they have repeatedly described as “a bit much.”

Review my full employment history ↗

I prefer “fully invested.” Sukina

02 / THE EVIDENCE

There’s context.

My legal team is also me.

Sukina sitting tall beside a bright window, looking very seriousEXHIBIT A

A brief demonstration
of cooperation.

I sat. A photograph was taken. Apparently we needed proof.

Sukina lying beneath a decorated Christmas treeEXHIBIT B

So indoor trees
are allowed now.

But when I bring in one stick, suddenly there’s a policy.

Sukina at the top of the carpeted stairs, with her front paws over the step in a patch of sunlightEXHIBIT C

I’m not blocking the stairs.
I’m conducting arrivals.

State your business. And whether it involves a walk.

Sukina stretched across the threshold between two rooms

EXHIBIT D / STRATEGIC PLACEMENT

I’m not in the way.
I’m where you’re going.

There’s a difference. You may step over it.

03 / HOUSE RULES

A few
reasonable
terms.

Your continued residence
implies acceptance.

01

Outside remains available.

“We just went” is a historical observation. I’m discussing the future.

02

All bags require inspection.

You may call it groceries. I will determine that independently.

03

Personal space is a shared resource.

Specifically, yours. Thank you for your contribution.

04

“Calm down” needs a better pitch.

I’ve heard the proposal. I’m not seeing the benefit.

MY FINAL POSITION

They’re my people.
I’ll keep them.

They’re slow, they leave without permission, and their understanding of “enough attention” needs work. But they’re mine.

Any further affection will be denied on the record.